Les Questions

Darling Harlem Hotbloggers,

I have been somewhat selfish...

My desire to regurgitate fact-paste to my little owlets has led to you, my raisons d'etre, having to endure a somewhat Prix Fixe Menu. Now my wiselings are starting to grow in knowledge and spread their wings I feel it's only fair to open up the floor to a Prime Minister's Question Time styled, all you can ask, Buffet...

I can fully appreciate that when faced with such a Pandora's Box of Knowery (or Knower's Ark, if you will?) the questions will come thicker and faster than Usain Bolt's undergarments but please, before you flap out a finger spasm across your keyboards, Mother Owl would like to lay down a few ground rules:

1. Please, no questions about otters; I fear the otter and actually hold something of a flame for the chap who pummels one with a spade at the end of Ring of Bright Water.

2. All questions about former game-show hosts must be prefaced by words Ham!Ham!Taliban.

3. Soothe me with your word asks.

4. Questions such as: Can ears?, Mine is this are?, Is it a dog?, and Cheese? will be tolerated but subject to availability.

5. Please, no questions of a wholly sexual nature. Semi or bi - sexual are open to the consideration of yours truly.

6. I especially like questions on the effect of tinned meats on the Crusading Europeans of the 6th, 23rd and 14th Centuries.

7. If you feel you can't pluck up the courage to ask me a question quite yet, why not practice on some less formidable character, such as a rabbit, whelk, house-brick or member of the judges panel on television's Strictly Come Dancing?

8. Children say the funniest things. Please don't allow them to write on my blog.

9. Lastly.

Firm but fair, I think you'll agree. So don't hold back, attach the candle of inquisitiveness to the miner's helmet of self improvement and probe the rich vein of fact which runs through the darkest recesses of Cavern Gibbons.

But remember...

Knowledge is not love,

Cash is.

x

Barbara Gibbons - Plucking the unwanted hair from the Bikini line of life...